Tuesday evening
I’m very tired.
I’m glad I went to the sauna. Had a bit of time to relax after a long day.
I did a 24h water/tea fast. I got very tired by the end. not hungry – tired.
Did a lot of social media messaging and cleaning up of old tasks and stuff. Maybe that was a good thing.
I’m very excited about my writing journey. Feels great to be typing again. Writing, wanting to be creating content, any content. Honestly I had lost the ability to want to be creative. I want to produce things now.
Maybe I should start with music and drawing soon. I’m just that kind of weirdo that wants to do it all when he starts.
But maybe I’m not anymore. I feel like I have changed in that domain and the beliefs of what I am are holding me back. I don’t know what I am. I know I am.
Why define something that is not easily definable?
It’s a certain error, rather just letting it be as it is.
We are just obsessed with naming things, understanding it all, aren’t we?
What if we just enjoyed life for what it is?
I know, I know – how are we going to be building those computers, skyscrapers and all, if we just enjoyed life for what it is.
But that is also part of enjoying life — just being there and looking at what’s possible. Learn how it works, use it to create more awesome things.
I mean — what good does it serve me if I define myself as such and such?
Framing myself and this type of person or that type of person — it’s just safe. It is only comfortable. Loving the frame. The comfort that is comes with.
Stockholm syndrome with your own belief system. It’s your prison and you know it – but you love it.
The bed in the morning – the most comfortable thing in the whole wide world. Yet, it’s death if you keep lying there.
I love life — what the fuck is it that is just has to be a constant struggle.
Those physics and rules that apply to our bodies and minds?
To grow, you have to struggle, to endure pain, to learn more, to be powerful, resilient.
I mean, everyone wants to live and grow, but some are afraid to show it — and stay in a cocoon and suffer silently by not living their life to the fullest.
But who and how the fuck did we get here — what’s all this? It’s absolutely absurd Howe are alive in the first place. I mean — look around. zoom out and tell me that’s not bizarre.
And who the hell am I to tell people that they don’t live to the fullest. Everyone knows what their lives are like and what they want out of them.
You always hear people on their death beds, lying down, dying anytime now, saying that they were too afraid to live and regret not spending more time with family and friends and working their asses off for whatever reason or belief. That belief that imprison you. Let go of that shit – damn.
You have to just be. Full stop.